Roll a d12 whenever your adventurers peek round a dank corner in search of decor.
Flamboyant Fungal Feature Wall – A broad smear of glow-in-the-dark mushrooms arranged to look like an inspirational poster that reads: “Hang in There, Peasant!” complete with a badly drawn kobold dangling from a stalactite.
Gargoyle with a Day Job – A menacing stone gargoyle perched on a plinth, holding today’s newspaper and wearing half-moon spectacles. If questioned, it sighs and mutters about “bloody budget cuts in dungeon security.”
Self-Portrait of the Lich (In Velvet) – A massive, black-velvet painting of the resident lich reclining on a chaise longue, inexplicably holding a martini. The eyes follow you round the room, mostly in disappointment.
‘Designer’ Portcullis – A rusting iron gate that’s been spray-painted gold and signed by Banksy the Bugbear. There’s a plaque beneath that reads: “Please do not feed the aesthetic.”
Tapestry of Questionable Historical Accuracy – A medieval-style tapestry that depicts the party arriving, being defeated, and later doing the washing-up.
DIY Altar from Flat-Pack Hell – A blood-stained sacrificial altar clearly assembled from knock-off IKEA stone slabs. The instructions still lie nearby, with half the pictograms upside-down.
Chic Chandelier of Bones – A rather tasteful chandelier fashioned from goblin femurs and suspiciously sparkly fairy lights. It drips with melted candle wax and regret.
Potted Carnivorous Plant – Someone tried to “bring the outside in” with a large fern that occasionally coughs up bits of postman. A tiny sign in the soil reads: “Please do not water after midnight.”
Dungeon-Themed Throw Pillows – Scattered about the torture racks are embroidered cushions with motivational slogans like “Live, Laugh, Lacerate” and “Home Is Where the Hurt Is.”
Mirror of Overly Honest Reflection – A full-length gilt mirror that doesn’t show what you look like, it shows what you ought to look like if you’d had one more hour’s sleep and fewer bad decisions.
The Baron’s Forgotten Disco Ball – Hanging crookedly above a pit trap, it occasionally spins when someone walks past, releasing a faint waft of glitter and sadness.
Orc-Opoly Board Game, Mid-Play – An ancient stone table where a group of skeletons appear to have perished mid-round of Orc-Opoly. One still clutches the tiny iron boot token in eternal frustration.
Need more regret? Play DUNGEON DUNCE The TTRPG Family Farce!
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