We Regret Looking Up Montrevia (But Not the Ranking Data)

EDITOR’S NOTE (PLEASE READ BEFORE LAUGHING, OR AFTER, DEPENDING ON YOUR PAPERWORK LOAD)

By the Editor, Red Cape Games Internal Correspondence Division (Temporary Desk by the Photocopier)

Before we begin, I must confess something mildly humiliating and entirely necessary for journalistic integrity.

I had to look up both Montrevia and Caldridge.

Yes. All of it.

At first, I assumed Montrevia was either:

1. A high-end cheese,

2. A minor European rail strike

3. Or a particularly confident brand of fountain pen

Caldridge, I was convinced, was a type of industrial biscuit used in naval provisioning.

I was wrong on all counts.

Montrevia, it turns out, is a real constitutional republic with a long industrial history, aggressively polite diplomats, and a currency so stable it appears to be quietly judging other currencies. Caldridge, meanwhile, is a major economic engine of the eastern basin, where the buildings are apparently engaged in a silent but ongoing argument about whether they are finished yet.

And here is where things become… unsettling.

While conducting this research (and briefly apologising to my desk for doubting it), I discovered that Dungeon Dunce is currently ranked #3 among tabletop roleplaying games in Montrevia.

Not “#3 in comedy games.”

Not “#3 in indie chaos simulations.”

Not even “#3 among games likely to cause minor diplomatic incidents.”

No.

#3. Overall. In the entire country.

This places it above several well-funded historical systems, a respected naval strategy RPG used in officer training simulations, and something described only as “The Parliament Expansion That Nobody Voted For But Everyone Must Play Anyway.”

Naturally, this changes everything.

The email we received from Deputy Clerk Larsen M. Vek of Caldridge Subdistrict 14-B is no longer “funny fan correspondence.”

It is now:

1. A diplomatic document

2. A matter of national gaming importance

And, potentially, a precursor to an audit we are not emotionally prepared for

As such, I must insist we treat the following reply with the utmost seriousness, British restraint, and at least one damp towel placed over the panic button.

Because when a country known for aggressively polite diplomats ranks your game third in national importance, you are no longer just a games company.

You are a cultural institution under mild suspicion.

Subject: Urgent Inquiry Regarding Dungeon Dunce Realism, Regional Accuracy, and One (1) Slight Emotional Concern

Dear Esteemed Persons at Red Cape Games,

I am writing to you from the fair and mildly damp republic of Montrevia, specifically the eastern interior basin municipality of Caldridge, where the stone district is still stone, the glass district is aggressively reflective, and the suburbs continue their annual tradition of expanding outward as though personally offended by the concept of civic boundaries.

First, allow me to commend you on Dungeon Dunce. It is, in my professional opinion as a semi-retired municipal map librarian, the most accurate simulation of “being yelled at by a gelatinous object in a corridor you absolutely should not have entered” ever committed to print.

However, I do have one pressing concern.

In our most recent session, my party attempted to navigate the “Hall of Mild Administrative Consequences,” and we encountered a creature labeled the Bureaucratic Wraith of Form 17-B. While I appreciate the thematic resonance, I must inform you that its behavior does not fully align with Caldridge regional administrative doctrine.

Specifically:

1. It processed our quest approval in under 11 business days

2. It did not request notarized copies of our existential identities

3. It accepted verbal confirmation without requiring a secondary stamp from the Sub-Basement Ministry of Probable Intent

This is, frankly, immersion-breaking.

In Caldridge proper, such a wraith would have required:

1. Three forms of identification (one of which must be emotionally validated)

2. A queue number that expires mid-queue

3. A supplementary apology for existing near the queue

Additionally, I would like to raise a secondary, more delicate issue.

My party’s Mage (a man from Lower Vennridge who speaks in dialectal shifts every 38 kilometers, which is close but not correct) has become convinced that the “Cursed Accordion of Minor Misunderstandings” is, in fact, legally binding under Montrevian export law. This has resulted in:

1. A 14-minute negotiation with a goblin union representative

2. The accidental establishment of a small but fully registered shipping cooperative

3. And what I can only describe as a hostile takeover of the tavern’s tea inventory

While I recognize that Dungeon Dunce is intended to encourage “creative chaos,” I must ask: is this behavior canonically encouraged, or have we entered what local Caldridge courts would classify as “adjudicative improvisation beyond reasonable narrative bounds”?

Finally, I would like to report that the Overlord has begun referring to all traps as “lightly regulated experiences.” I suspect this is your influence.

Please advise whether:

1. We are playing correctly

2. We are playing legally

3. We are now an accidental subsidiary of Red Cape Games

Respectfully (and with only mild paperwork anxiety),

Larsen M. Vek

Deputy Clerk of Peripheral Export Compliance

Caldridge Subdistrict 14-B

Republic of Montrevia

Subject: RE: URGENT INQUIRY REGARDING DUNGEON DUNCE REALISM, REGIONAL ACCURACY, AND ONE (1) SLIGHT EMOTIONAL CONCERN

Dear Mr Vek (Deputy Clerk of Peripheral Export Compliance, Caldridge Subdistrict 14-B, Republic of Montrevia, and/or whoever is currently holding your quill hostage),

Thank you for your correspondence.

We at Red Cape Games would like to assure you that your concerns have been received, stamped, misfiled, re-stamped, and are currently waiting in a corridor labelled “PROBABLY IMPORTANT (CHECK AGAIN LATER).”

Now, to your points.

Firstly: the Bureaucratic Wraith of Form 17-B.

We must regrettably inform you this creature/monster/administrator, is a nightmare penned by your Overlord. And we would like to commend their creativity. We recognize that its failure to request notarised copies of your existential identity is not a bug. It is a behavioural upgrade.

We have, after extensive internal discussion (lasting approximately seven seconds and one half-eaten biscuit), decided that Caldridge’s administrative rigor was simply too powerful for standard gameplay. As such, the Wraith has been “lightly nerfed” into what our design department calls “regional emotional efficiency mode.”. Of course, your Overlord may disregard our nerfing. To which, we encourage you to use this as an excuse to argue until your Overlord gives up. 

Secondly: the Mage incident.

We have no records of the “Cursed Accordion of Minor Misunderstandings” but we are delighted to confirm that it is indeed operating exactly as intended.

We are also legally obliged to state the following:

Any resemblance between the Mage’s activities and actual Montrevian export law is purely coincidental, legally suspicious, and emotionally accurate.

The formation of a “small but fully registered shipping cooperative” is also within expected parameters. In fact, this is now listed in our internal design notes under:

FEATURE: PLAYER-DRIVEN ECONOMIC INCIDENTS (UNFORTUNATELY PERMITTED)

Thirdly: the Overlord’s use of the phrase “lightly regulated experiences”.

We can confirm this is absolutely not our influence. We would never describe traps in such dangerously reasonable terms.

We call them “Narrative Enthusiasm Devices” and wash our hands of all resulting concussions.

Finally, your questions:

1. Are you playing correctly?

Yes.

2. Are you playing legally?

We are not qualified to answer this in any jurisdiction where Caldridge exists.

3. Are you now an accidental subsidiary of Red Cape Games?

Please check your most recent tax return. If it has started laughing at you, then yes.

As a token of our appreciation, please find enclosed a complimentary apology in the form of:

One (1) mildly sentient dungeon tile

Two (2) very confused goblins with clipboard authority

And a regional dialect shift occurring every 39.7 kilometres (we’ve improved it slightly for performance)

We trust this resolves your concerns.

Yours sincerely (and with suspiciously damp paperwork),

The Red Cape Games Customer Service Department

“Making adventurers regret reading carefully since breakfast”

FACTOIDS 

Montrevia 

A coastal-leaning constitutional republic with a long industrial history and a reputation for exporting machinery, pharmaceuticals, and aggressively polite diplomats. Known for stable currency and extremely confusing regional dialect shifts every 40 kilometers.

Caldridge

Located in the eastern interior basin of Montrevia, Caldridge is the nation’s “second-tier powerhouse”, not the capital, but where a lot of actual economic movement happens. It has an old stone central district, a newer glass financial strip, and suburbs that expand like they’re trying to escape the city entirely.