Earlier today, we received an email marked URGENT and ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING, which contained what appears to be a warning about… well, us. We reproduce it below, verbatim, for your consideration. If anyone recognises the sender, please alert us immediately. The email was signed enigmatically, possibly with something like, “This is your only warning!”
To the Bemused and Slightly Terrified Team at Dungeon Dunce,
I feel compelled to lodge a complaint of the highest, most exasperating absurdity regarding your recent shenanigans at San Diego Comic Con. One attends a family farce expecting laughter, mild chaos, and perhaps a rogue dice rolling under the table. One does not expect an entire battalion of self-proclaimed Overlords striding about in chainmail bikinis, velvet capes, and faces set in expressions of grim authority, as if the fate of the crayon-coloured realms rested solely in their hands.
The children looked scandalised. The parents looked scandalised. Even the foam dragons side-eyed the proceedings in visible disapproval.^1 And yet your Dungeon Masters, those audacious purveyors of tyranny, paraded about, issuing dramatic edicts of doom to anyone daring to roll a natural one. In a family-friendly setting. One might argue it was bold. One might argue it was theatrical. One cannot argue it was appropriate.
The cosplay alone was a hazard to public decorum, with ornamental swords threatening innocent bystanders, glitter glue raining from the rafters, and an unholy amount of foam latex in precarious positions. Meanwhile, the Overlords’ proclamations of dominion created pockets of confusion so profound that small children began forming diplomatic treaties with strangers at adjacent tables. I must insist, no dice should be forced to witness such tyranny, and no crayon should ever feel the existential dread of an Overlord’s glare.
It is hardly surprising, then, that Red Cape Games, your fearless publisher, found themselves politely ejected from SDCC. One imagines the powers that be, in their infinite wisdom, glanced at your display of chaotic authority and muttered, “Perhaps not this year.” It is my fervent, trembling hope that this rejection was entirely justified.
Therefore, I issue a grave warning: unless drastic measures are taken to curb the march of Overlords, regulate the cosplay hazards, and enforce a modicum of family-appropriate decorum, you must not attempt to bring this spectacle to New York Comic Con. To do so would risk pandemonium, public fainting, and the irreparable scandalisation of dice everywhere.
Yours in indignation, faint amusement, and excessive hand-wringing,
Anonymous, perhaps someone quite cross with dice and chainmail
P.S. Overlords: being terrifying in tight leather pants may thrill you, but terrifying children and parents simultaneously is not, in fact, recommended.
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