WHAT WAS ACTUALLY INSIDE THE MIMIC CHEST

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WHAT WAS ACTUALLY INSIDE THE MIMIC CHEST
A d12 Table of Disappointment, Digestive Regret, and Deep Existential Questions
(Because not every treasure is gold. Sometimes it’s just trousers.)

Roll 1d12:

  1. Half a bard.
    The lower half. Still humming something obscene. You gain inspiration. You lose your appetite.

  2. A soggy love letter from a gelatinous cube.
    It's addressed to "Gary," and it's still warm. Reading it gives you +1 to Wisdom and 2 points of psychic damage.

  3. An entire tea set, fully intact.
    Including one spitefully hot cuppa that splashes in your face. Roll DEX or take 1d4 scalding damage and mild embarrassment.

  4. A note that reads: “IOU one treasure – The Lich”
    On the back: “P.S. Stop opening random monsters, idiot.” Grants no gold, but moral clarity.

  5. A pair of cursed boots that scream “TOUCH ME” when handled.
    You now have advantage on Stealth checks. The boots do not.

  6. Seven raccoons in a trench coat pretending to be a wizard.
    Roll for initiative. Or join their party. They have snacks.

  7. An unopened letter to your character from their mother.
    Mostly guilt. And a recipe for questionable meatloaf. Gain 1d6 nostalgia damage.

  8. An entire trousers shop, folded into a pocket dimension.
    All cursed. All bell-bottoms. You must now roll for fashion-related saves.

  9. A second, smaller mimic wearing a top hat and monocle.
    It politely tips its hat before vanishing with your torch. Darkness and confusion increase by 40%.

  10. A signed headshot of Vecna with “Stay wicked, babes” written in blood. It winks at you. Just once. Grants +1 charisma. Costs you sleep.

  11. A ham sandwich from 300 years ago.
    Still looks fresh. Smells like betrayal. Eat it and roll CON. Success: you feel fine. Failure: you briefly become a sandwich.

  12. Absolutely nothing.
    Not a coin. Not a bone. Just silence and the slow realisation that the chest was never a mimic. It was just... hungry. You lose 1 point of trust in the universe.

DM’s Advice: When your players roll on this table, don’t smile. Just nod, whisper “you wanted this,” and keep going.


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