Location: Ninth Circle Motors, Baator
Description:
Looking for a ride that screams “I’ve made terrible life choices”? Feast your eyes on this pre-loved, gently damned motorcycle, straight from the Infernal Highway! Yes, this beauty once belonged to a pit fiend with a mid-life crisis, but don’t let that put you off, he only rode it on weekends… and during apocalypses.
Features Include:
Engine of Eternal Torment: Purrs like a kitten. A kitten possessed by Asmodeus.
Obsidian Frame: Forged in the fires of Nessus. Guaranteed to survive potholes, paladins, and minor holy wars.
Soul-Guzzling Carburettor: Runs on petrol or the screaming essence of your enemies (souls sold separately).
Leather Saddle: Made from real sinners! Soft, durable, and still whispers at night.
Exhaust Pipes of Perdition: Emits flames hotter than your DM’s last TPK. Great for roasting marshmallows, or rival adventurers.
Bonus Perks:
Built-in Infernal GPS: Always points you toward the nearest tavern or eternal damnation, whichever’s closer.
Comes with free pair of flaming sunglasses, because if you’re riding into Hell, you may as well look good doing it.
Price: Only 999 Gold Pieces (or one slightly used soul. No celestial alignments accepted).
Warning:
Prolonged use may cause demonic possession, spontaneous combustion, or awkward conversations with paladins.
Brakes? Ha! You’re in Avernus now, mate.
Test Ride Today!
Just sign the infernal contract in triplicate, bleed on the dotted line, and pray you read the small print (you didn’t).
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