Shocking But Definitely True Tales From the Realms of Legal Grey Area!*
(*Truth levels may vary depending on alcohol content.)
In the legendary realm of Forgotten Lunches (somewhere near Forgotten Realms), a bard once seduced a gelatinous cube by writing a love ballad in Ooze Dialect. Their relationship ended when the bard got absorbed during a slow dance.
In the Drenched Swamps of Dragonlance, adventurers found Raistlin’s Original Baby Blanket, which reportedly whispers spells in its sleep and smells faintly of bitter disappointment. It’s now a prize on a kender’s scavenger hunt list.
Somewhere in Greyhawk, a rogue pulled off the perfect heist by bluffing an entire dragon lair into thinking he was their new HR manager. The performance review documents alone could level a city.
The kingdom of Eberrunch once held The Great Mage-Off, where Artificers built a self-playing lute that only plays Stairway to Sigil, the infernal version. It’s now banned in every tavern with ears.
In the radiant lands of Planescape Mall, a warlock once made a pact with a sales demon for 20% off cursed athleisure wear. Now every pair of pants casts Darkness once per day, but only in inconvenient public places.
In The Underdumb, drow society collapsed for 72 hours after someone swapped Lolth’s Spider Throne for a Reclining Comfy Chair of Mild Sedation. Political recovery is ongoing, but the chair was elected Minister of Relaxation.
In Ravenloft Estates, Strahd once threw a vampire prom. The punch was just blood, the punchline was also just blood, and the afterparty included an undead kazoo band called "Bite Me Maybe." Critics called it "A Soul-Sucking Good Time."
In Spelljammer Ship Lot C, a beholder attempted to open a drive-thru potion stand but failed when customers kept driving into its anti-magic field and forgetting why they were there. The stand now exclusively sells beholder selfies and emotionally manipulative bumper stickers.
In the desert of Dark Sunburn, a fighter accidentally invented sunscreen by falling into a vat of melted mimic goo. The goo grants SPF 1,000, but it also hisses insults and tries to eat your towel.
And finally, in the legendary World of Basic, where every adventurer starts their career, a brave party once slayed a dragon by distracting it with a sock puppet performance of "Hamilton." The sock puppets were later knighted.
Believe it? Regret it? Either way, your GM is already writing these down.
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